just realized

today is my brother's birthday. he died about 5 years ago. i have sort of forgotten the exact date. my parents remind me every year. i sort of dodge the subject with them, they get choked up, well for that matter, when i am with them, i get that way too.

well today, he would have been 24. weird to think of the fact that he died when he was only 19. boy that sucked. so much potential, swallowed up in a freak disease. fuck it. i doubt he was destined for greatness of anything, he wanted to be a machinist. he liked working with his hands. building things.

he met my girlfriend (now wife) a month before he died. i remember when he was in the hospital, adri and i made out at the house cause we thought everything was ok. and then, wammo, he was dead the next day. fine on one day, dead the next. couldn't have predicted it, the doctors said. 1 in a 100,000 in our area gets it each year. fuck it. dead.

i'll never forget about a month before he died. he got so angry because i made fun of his ex-girlfriend (i think i called her a bitch), damn he was sensitive. he got out of my mom's truck and started walking home. finally i got him to sit in the back of the truck in the bed. he was crying he was so pissed. i was such a fuck up then. a horrible friend and a fuckup brother. i kept trying to get him to drop out of trade school and get into the university where i was, as if my school was so much better.

i don't believe in ghosts. i think they are bullshit. i have no doubt he was in heaven, he was a better person and Christian then i ever will be. he was so full of love and life and now he is, shit, probably nothing more than a pile of bones. crazy when you think of that. someone dead after 5 years, just bones. maybe some dust from the decomposed body. shit.

fuck it.


David Lee Vaughn R.I.P.
Happy Birthday. would have been 24